Who are you?
I’m a semicolon!
What are you used for?
Who the hell; knows!
Seriously Semicolon, I need to know. What are you used for?
If you’re writing the first part of a sentence…
And somebody owes you some money…
Uh… Semicolon… Wait.
I could break that jerk’s legs before you finish; writing.
Semicolon, have you been drinking?
Drink;ing? …yes. I can’t take it anymore. Semicolon is not for play; okay? Semicolon mysterious; Semicolon subtle! hiccup! I don’t want; to be in some jerk;s grocery list.
Take it easy, Semicolon. Every piece of punctuation pushes through a rough patch.
What I really do is combine otherwise complete sentences.
But why not just use a period then?
Because; I’m Semicolon.
Don’t you think your logic is a bit; circular?
Semicolon can also make; hiccup; make winky faces ; )
Just give me one, solid reason why we shouldn’t do away with you…
I can distract from the fact that you don’t know how to vary the beginnings of your sentences.
I can provide infinite, nuanced complications to the concept that every complete sentence should be a complete thought.
I already said ‘fine.’
I can show Colon who’s boss once-and-for-all and ask Ellipses to stop wasting time and marry me.
Just stop it.
We can have little periods together all over the place and so long as people don’t mistake them for mouse turds; I’ll be a happy-camper.
I could smoke a cigarette and make my lungs as black as the rest of me.
I hate you.
I can get tattooed on a really strong guy’s back so I can finally get some respect around here. I could fart and make my comma-tail blow in the resultant breeze.
Oh, you could not.