How Did Alternative Music Get So Old?

My routines are not so different from your typical ally-cat or your stray, abandoned nerf-herder. I awake in the morn. Sometimes with crusties in mine eyes, sometimes without crusties. Sometimes I awaken to ahhhh… ….? what is the word? ye old FM radio. Sometimes I do not. But of all the times I awaken to ye old FM radio there is, without fail, this commercial screaming, screaming—screaming at me: “ARE YOU A MAN OVER THE AGE OF THIRTY!?”

Why yes, I am. Thanks for noticing.

“HAS DENSITY IN YOUR MUSCLES STARTED TO DECREASE AS YOU AGE?!”

 A personal question, but I’ll check. Nope. We’re good.

 “HAS FAT STARTED TO ACCUMULATE AROUND YOUR MIDSECTION? DO OWLS FOLLOW YOU AROUND, HOOTING, ‘Who-Whoo-Whooooo’s the old guy?’

Now you’re just being mean. A little snake-oil salesmanship from time-to-time isn’t so bad, but they play this commercial multiple times, every day, followed by Dave Grohl singing his lamenting tones, “One of these days your heart will stop… and take its final beat…” (BTW if you’re a rockstar, contemplating the meaning of death and the sadness of Youth Lost, keep it to yourself). They don’t play this song occasionally, they play it every, single, damn day. Like clockwork. Then they bring on the guests to this morning radio show who are, surprise! plastic surgeons!

Yaaaay, now we can discuss a little plastic surgery with our Alternative Rock Music. But, seriously, when did Alternative Rock Music get so old? And if Alternative Rock Music is this old, can it really still be Alternative? as in ‘an alternative from the mainstream?’ Maybe it’s time to put away the Pearl Jams, the Candleboxes, the Foo Fighters, the Sublimes, The Red Hot Chili Peppers and make room for the Rise Againsts, the Taking Back Sundays, the My Chemical Romances, The Arctic Monkeys and the Ke$has (psyche) that should be played more for a station to stay relevant in the midst of growing listening options. Don’t play the demographics game. You’re not just any OLD radio station. You’re the alternative station for the Live Music Capital of the World. Yeah, you know who you are.     

And also, while we’re on the subject of newness, maybe it’s time to stray from those tried-and-true, name-brand authors you’ve been reading oh-so-faithfully for so many years. They’re getting old, people. Their ideas, their prose, their themes, their characters, their dialogue:  ditto. Ditto to the max, ya’ll! And plus, we’ve had some fun times on the ‘ole blog, right? We could be having that fun inside your Kindle, Nook or iPad right….. now. 

About davidwallacefleming

David Wallace Fleming is a U.S. writer, living in Austin, Texas. He is the author of the coming-of-age, social media novel GROWING UP WIRED, and the satirical science fiction audiobook, NOT FROM CONCENTRATE.
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One Response to How Did Alternative Music Get So Old?

  1. Mason says:

    That’s a GOOD IDEA!

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