FOR EXAMPLE, RIGHT HERE: There have been many interspersed instances of intense gegarblegezap. None of which have been sandwich way to the seashore?
What were you just thinking? Was it sex. And sandwiches… By the seashore!? Yeah and I didn’t even use the s-word. Now who is the dirty bird? Now who is the dirty bird? Not me. No. It is you. You see, we can play these games all day. Yes, perhaps I am speaking to a potential lurker that tagged my novel, Growing up Wired, as two-star erotica on Shelfari. You are a dirty bird, too. Just like the rest of us. Admit it and you’ll feel better. But I object on several grounds.
1.) I’ve never really read an erotica book all the way through, so I wouldn’t know the first thing about how to write one. And the real erotica fans (looking to get some good erotica, no doubt) will be sorely disappointed if they chance across my book while looking for the customary thrills.
2.) Why does all erotica have to be two stars? surely there is three, four and five-star erotica.
3.) and this is a big 3.) It refers to the second tag added to my novel… Growing up Wired is not ‘paranormal!’ There is nary a werewolf nor vampire in the whole thing. No one even so much as looks up to admire a full moon or grows a single fang or says, dreamily, eyes half-lidded: “I feel we were destined to be together—always!” Trust me.
Go burn some books Nook Nazis! ahem… now it’s only fair to admit that I did try to market my book once in a forum called Kindle Smut. Haven’t you people ever heard of blanket spamming?
So, no, Growing up Wired is not erotica. It’s not paranormal. It does have teenagers but that alone shouldn’t convict me. It’s normal-normal romance. And is normal-normal romance, in this day-and-age, so horribly bad and disturbing? Can we not deal with the real ways in which teenagers and young adults find romance online and on their mobiles? Is that not important?
So, what is gr8ness? Gr8ness is what we already know. It’s the lies we keep telling ourselves while reality marches on. It’s what we’re comfortable with. Now, I’m not saying my book is great-great simply because it’s normal-normal. I’m simply passing along that the Loch Ness Monster gave it an ominous and rather Paleozoic “two-fins up!” and if you can take a book recommendation from your best friend at the water-cooler, you can certainly take one from a controversial water-dragon, lurking in the Loch, nibbling at its Nook.