The Mob Awaits a New Product, Drug, Gadget, OS or Something

“Why do we have to wait here at the back of this stupid warehouse? Why can’t we just get whatever it is on Amazon? – Will you shut-up, woman? My email said come here. It didn’t say nothing about no Amazon – Hey, don’t talk to her that way. I’m friends with her on Facebook. Nevermind. Unfriended – What I want to know is: what’s this strange and mysterious thing we’re supposed to pay money for?

Whaaa! Mommy, I want to leave. They’re pushing; they smell bad, Mommy – Sara, look at me. Look at me. You have a choice. Do you understand me? You can wait for what’s new on the left side of the mob, or you can wait for what’s new on the right side of the mob. What do you choose, Sara? Make your choice, Sara – Whaa! Manufactured consent! Whaaa-aaaa! I’m telling Noam Chomsky!

“Maybe it’s a new drug. I’ve been thinking for weeks about ailments I should probably have cured – I just read a tweet that… IT’S A NEW WAY TO KILL POLAR BEARS! – Excuse me but I am a Polar bear and I find that comment offensive – How did you get here? – I swam – You swum – I what? – You, you swum. That’s what you did. You swum – You see? – What? – That’s how they think they can talk to us – Did someone summon Gnome Grompsky? – Get the F out of here Grompsky (God, this guy again). They didn’t say your name, dude. They said Noam CHOM-SKY. (This happens every time) Is it because Gnome Grompsky is too short? because, as I told you people before, that can’t be helped. It’s part of being gnome. Scrim-scrabble-gazap!

“Shhhhh! Shut-up ya’ll. They opening the rolltop – It’s just, it’s just a dusty pallet? – What’s the sign say? What’s the sign say – It says… ‘Canned Air… Enjoy your own personal can of canned air. Like real air, except lower in calories!’ That is absolutely ridiculous. If they think we are paying good money for… hmmm… Maybe I’ll try it.”    

 

About davidwallacefleming

David Wallace Fleming is a U.S. writer, living in Austin, Texas. He is the author of the coming-of-age, social media novel GROWING UP WIRED, and the satirical science fiction audiobook, NOT FROM CONCENTRATE.
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6 Responses to The Mob Awaits a New Product, Drug, Gadget, OS or Something

  1. Bagman says:

    OMG I was rolling about the polar bear. Funny stuff. A good polar bear joke will get me every time, but of course, I am from Texas. :-) Thanks for stopping by my site also.

  2. Ian Gardner says:

    It is possible that I get what you are driving at – “empty progress” . . . . . or perhaps, “vacuous progress”?

    • Yes, I think that assessment is right on the money. I find it strange that all the publicity for new tech goes toward useless consumer products that we, for the most part, don’t need.

  3. Very cleverly done, David!

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